30 Things I Learned By 30

Hindsight is 20/20. Oh, how I wish I could go back in time and edit and delete moments and mistakes in my life! Although I have had some personal cringe moments, or shaking my head, moments where I say to myself, “Why did I do that!?” or “Why did I say that?” I know that I am human, I am flawed, but I am learning and evolving. I like to think that God is still molding me into the person he wants me to become.

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Here are some life lessons I have learned now that I am in my 30s:

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Leaving Social Media is Okay
It’s Natural for Your Circle to Shrink
Stop Trying to Fit In
Recognize Cognitive Distortions
Guard Your Time
Tell Yourself Truths Often
Give People the Benefit of the Doubt
Don’t Waste Time On Any Guy
Fences Make Good Neighbors
Don’t Be Too Loyal To a Job
Watch Your Tongue
Don’t Text Your Emotions
Eat Healthy
Make Time for Nature
Don’t Bring Sweets Home
Pray More
Memorize Verses
Water Your Flowers
Be Five Minutes Early
Keep Your Cards Close to Your Chest
Wait for the Upgrade
Start Working on Your Career Early
Be Choosy When it Comes to Side Hustles
It’s Just a Job (Don’t Settle)
Don’t Bring Work Troubles Home
Read More
Budget Wisely
Practice Phone Etiquette
CYB (Cover Your Bases)
Be Cautiously Optimistic

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Leaving Social Media is Okay

I do not miss having social media. I had Facebook, Instagram, and Snapchat just to name a few since I was a teenager. Other than them being time wasters, it was starting to become a problem for me. Social media was robbing me of my joy. I started putting my energy and satisfaction into posts and trying to get other people to “like” me. Don’t get me wrong, social media is not necessarily a bad thing. It can be like a fire – it can be used for good, like warming up near the fireside, but it can also be used for bad, like a brush fire. The thought of deleting social media was hard at first, because I imagined leaving social media behind would cause voids (FOMO) and make me less connected to loved ones. This was not the case at all. I gradually started to cut back on my socials and felt free.

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It's Natural for Your Circle to Shrink

I am extraverted so this was a hard pill to swallow. I tend to want to be friends with everyone (well almost everyone). Circles start off big. In your youth, your circle is huge because you typically make friends with kids at school, church, neighborhood, etc. These friendships are easy to maintain because you most likely see your friends 5 days a week with the added bonus that kids don’t have the responsibilities that adults do. After high school and college graduation, your circle will naturally start to shrink. People move away, people start jobs, get married, create families, have different interests, beliefs, etc. The good news is that many friendships will stand the test of time. As friendships fade, new ones will form.

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Stop Trying to Fit In

If I could go back and tell little Roshel to stop trying to fit in. People pleasing will get you nowhere. One thing I remember growing up is trying to dress a certain way to fit in. I tried to dress a certain way at school to be accepted by the cool kids, AND I also tried to dress a certain way at church to fit into what the church kids looked like. When you try too hard to fit in, you might suppress aspects of who you really are. Authenticity is important for personal satisfaction and mental well-being. Being true to yourself often leads to more genuine connections and a greater sense of fulfillment.

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Recognize Cognitive Distortions

I didn’t even know what cognitive distortions were until I was 31 years old and had PPD after having our first babies (twins) and was seeking help from a therapist. The therapist said everyone has cognitive distortions and has it regularly! Cognitive distortions are ways our thinking can go off track. Our brains are always processing information and trying to fill in the gaps of what is unknown, but distortions can steer our minds away from what is actually true. They often lead to negative or unrealistic thoughts. For example, one type of cognitive distortion is All-or-Nothing Thinking: If you make a mistake, you might think you're a total failure rather than just someone who made a mistake. Recognizing and challenging these patterns can help you think more clearly and handle situations better.

Guard Your Time

Time is a resource and a finite one. After high school when I got my own car and into my 20s, I said yes to a lot of things. This wasn’t a bad thing, it just was a lot to juggle. My mom would joke that I would “burn the candle at both ends”. I tried to cram as much as I could in a single day between responsibilities (work/homework), chores, errands, and social time with friends and family. As I’ve gotten older, I realize it is okay to not overbook myself and leave room for margin. Sure, I still have days or weeks where they are crammed full of activities, but I also try harder to guard my time. I have learned it is okay to have days where I don’t have a full agenda.
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Tell Yourself Truths Often

The mind is a battlefield. Ugly and intrusive thoughts can barge in, and if I am not careful, I start to believe them. I have learned to be kinder to myself, and not be so self-critical. I started putting up verses in the bathroom to encourage myself when I start to feel down about myself. It feels a little weird to “preach to my soul” but honestly, I would be saying the same things to someone if they were feeling down, so why can’t I believe it about myself? I tell myself I am fearfully and wonderfully made, that I am loved, I am valued, and I have a clean slate every morning. I am not my past mistakes or failures.

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Give People the Benefit of the Doubt

I have been so wrong about so many people. I tend to lean hard into [bad] first impressions with people and my brain instantly puts them into a box. On many occasions, as time goes on, and I get to know the person better, I realize my judgment of them was entirely wrong. I have learned to not trust first impressions and instincts but to give people the benefit of the doubt. For example, one time on the drive to work, someone cut me off near the entrance to my work. I see the same person drive into my work! I am thinking, you gotta be kidding me! I viewed that person as rude and inconsiderate. Fast forward years, and she is a great friend of mine. She is not rude at all and is one of the kindest people I know. As for her cutting me off on the road, she was running late and I am guessing was not intending to cut me off.

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Don’t Waste Time On Any Guy

I gave way too much attention (and emotions) to guys that did not matter. I am talking about guys that weren’t marriage material. I am talking about the sweet-talkers, the flirts, the heartbreakers. I think part of me needed the attention/validation so I gave these types of guys the time of day, and maybe part of me felt I could be a good influence on them. Nope! God gave me the perfect husband in His timing, I really didn’t need to worry. I wish I could go back and tell myself, “Hey Roshel, don’t get distracted. God has an amazing man for you down the road.”

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Fences Make Good Neighbors

When we bought our first home as newlyweds, I was excited to meet our new neighbors. Again, this is me wanting to be friends with everyone (see my struggle in life lesson #2). One particular neighbor, albeit I’m sure had good intentions, started to cross some boundaries. It got uncomfortable and I realized I was too quick to trust, just because she was my neighbor across the way. There is a reason there’s a saying that “fences make good neighbors.”

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Don’t Be Too Loyal To a Job

Alright, hear me out. This is not a millennial statement haha. I am all for being loyal to a good company especially when the company culture is good, the work is fulfilling, morale is high, and there are some added benefits as well. My dad had an amazing work ethic and stayed at his job for almost 30 years until COVID-19 happened. I guess I picked up on staying at a company for a while because of him. In my working years, I stayed at jobs a little longer than I should have because I got comfortable. The jobs were fine, but they weren’t growing me or preparing me for the next phase of my life.

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Watch Your Tongue

Death and life are in the power of the tongue! Words matter, and once words are said, they cannot be taken back. I struggle with watching my tongue. If I am upset by someone, I am going to talk about it. Sometimes for the sake of getting a laugh, I would blurt something out without pushing it through a filter first. Wisdom and discretion will teach good use of words, or when to not use words at all.

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Don’t Text Your Emotions

Having difficult conversations is SO much easier conveyed over text...but easier isn’t always better. Really, texting and difficult conversations should not be in the same sentence. I have hidden behind the phone sometimes because I’m too chicken to confront someone face to face. No matter how many emojis or fluff words are added to a text, the end receiver will never receive it well. Texting your emotions to someone is never a good idea. Take the time to talk to them face-to-face about what is bothering you.

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Eat Healthy

In my teenage years and college years, I did not fuel my body well. Snacks, processed foods, and fast food with occasional healthy food were my life. This diet is not sustainable. I’ve realized what I put into my body directly correlates with my energy, mood, and physical health.

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Make Time for Nature

One of my favorite moments whenever traveling is being in the water. Kayaking in one of Alaska’s glacier-filled lakes or being in the clear blue ocean in the Caribbean, it is rejuvenating to my soul. Being outside in nature is literally a breath of fresh air, and helps to ground me.

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Don’t Bring Sweets Home

I learned this tidbit from my mom. It is a huge temptation to have a package of Oreos in the cabinet or a few tubs of ice cream waiting for me in the freezer. I’m setting myself up for failure if I keep sweets in the house. A good rule my mom taught me is if you want sweets, go out for one! One ice cream cone on occasion is better than having ice cream every night after dinner. If I do need to satisfy my sweet tooth, I keep baking chocolate chips in the freezer and have it with some peanut butter.

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Pray More

Did you pray about it for as much as you’ve talked about it? If I were to answer this, the answer would often be no. I’ve slowly learned that worrying about something is not going to change my circumstances. On the other hand, praying does change things. It might not immediately change my circumstances, but it does change me. Life is too burdensome to not cast our burdens at the foot of Jesus. Praying should be a continual posture throughout the day. God is always near and he is always listening.

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Memorize Verses

The Bible is full of wisdom and encouragement. It has always benefited me to have a helpful verse memorized for when I need encouragement or direction. Over the last few years, I have posted scripture verses around the house to help me memorize these verses. The more truth I have instilled in my brain, the more equipped I am to deal with intrusive thoughts that come in my mind.

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Water Your Flowers

I learned this from a coworker. It means to take care of the people in your life. Don’t take relationships for granted, “watering” can be as simple as a sweet text, a handwritten note, or a warm hug. People need to feel valued and loved.

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Be Five Minutes Early

Be five minutes early as a minimum. As someone who is typically “fashionably late”, I have learned being at least 5 minutes early is a must. Showing up at least five minutes early demonstrates punctuality, reliability, creates a positive impression and reduces stress. Arriving a bit early can give you a buffer to handle unexpected delays, like traffic or finding a good parking spot. Also, I am always embarrassed when I show up late somewhere, so why do I even let myself be late? Being five minutes early helps avoid the stress of rushing.

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Keep Your Cards Close to Your Chest

Keep your plans, intentions, or strategies hidden from others. Or, at minimum, be careful what information about your life you share with people.I have learned not everyone is going to support my ambitions - even if they are well meaning, sometimes hearing someone else’s opinion about my life is really a buzz kill. Less is more.

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Wait for the Upgrade

Our first home needed some updating, I so wanted to upgrade our kitchen counter from old, outdated tile to modern solid surface. The design I wanted was out of our price range, so I went with a cheaper design. I wish I just waited a little bit longer to afford the prettier design. I also bought an all EV SUV because the EV SUV we wanted wasn’t (and still isn’t) released yet. Although my current car is fine, I just wish I waited longer for the upgrade. Lesson learned!

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Start Working on Your Career Early

My first job out of fresh out of high school was in retail. I enjoyed the work, the discounts off of clothes, and my froworkers (friend-coworkers). I ended up staying there for three years. Three years can seem forever when you are trying to grow in your career path. I majored in Hospitality and Tourism Management, and although retail gave me customer service experience, it did not help much in leveraging my work experience. After leaving the retail job, I was working at an in-home daycare…again nothing to do with hospitality. I just figured whatever job I had to pay my college tuition would be good enough, and then once I graduated I would land a plush job. Nope! Post graduating, I soon found out companies are glad that candidates have degrees, but they are more interested in relevant work experience.

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Be Choosy When it Comes to Side Hustles

I have always had a passion for baking. As a young adult, I would have people pay me to make them cakes, cookies, etc. Being young and naive in my early 20s, I would take on any and every order that came my way. I was putting myself under a lot of stress for little money. If I could do it all over again, I would be more selective of what orders I accepted, and manage my time more (no more all nighters to get a cake done). The beauty of blogging is that it is on my terms, out of the comfort of my own home, and it is not demanding (especially now having a family, time is precious!

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It’s Just a Job (Don’t Settle)

At one hotel I worked at, our General Manager told us that life is too short to be in a job you don’t enjoy. I stayed way too long at some jobs, even when I wasn’t happy in them. Choose a job that is fulfilling and motivating. No job is perfect, but remember, it’s just a job. If you are struggling and unhappy in a job, it is okay to look for another job. Just also be careful and well informed where you apply so you don’t become a job-hopper.

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Don’t Bring Work Troubles Home

Another good piece of advice from my mom - don’t bring work troubles home. She would tell me not to let mean and difficult people rent space in my head, and “don’t bring that rude customer home” - meaning on the drive home from work, don’t re-play that nasty customer’s interaction with you over and over. Dwelling on negativity from work whether from a boss, colleague, oro customer will steal your joy.

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Read More

I am embarrassed to admit all the hours I wasted watching television or mindlessly scrolling on social media. As a kid (before smart phones) I loved to read. Picking up a good book will take you to places you have never been before and open up a world of imagination. Reading more will help you be a better writer, and make you more knowledgable about copious things in life.

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Budget Wisely

I have kept a budget for years, but sometimes I would break my own budget rules. If I overspent in a certain category, I would just increase that category’s budget…not smart. Now that we have two babies, our expenses naturally have risen. We are actually tight now when we budget, and we make sure we account for every dollar in, and every dollar out.

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Practice Phone Etiquette

Freshman year (‘06) of highschool, I remember a guy in math class saying that Apple would be making a cell phone, called a smart phone with one button (remember the first generation iPhone?). I was so excited to have my first cell phone my junior year of high school. I was always on it - even when I was with my family and friends. I didn’t realize at the time how rude it is to be paying more attention to my phone than the person in front of me. The person in front of me should always get first priority.

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CYB (Cover Your Bases)

At one of my hotel jobs, I learned CYB. What this meant for me was that I needed to get everything into writing (via email), and not rely on my memory. We had such a high volume of clients, and working with hundreds of thousands of dollars, details mattered. It was easy to lose track of what was said and done. I learned the hard way that when it comes to business, I need to make sure I “cover my butt” to make sure I did my due diligience in completing my work, and also have detailed communication records with clients to help keep the business relationship accountable - can you imagine - “no, I never agreed your company could have a complimentary upgrade to a presidential suite!!”

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Be Cautiously Optimistic

Have big hopes and dreams, but also be cautious. Life is hard, and people let you down, but that does not mean you have to live life callously or cynically. You don’t have to be a cup-half-empty or a cup-half-full person - you can be both! I have experienced hurt, shame, and embarrassment, just like every human on the planet. I choose to be cautiously optimistic. 😊

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