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When our twins were born, sometimes we would think, “Will we ever sleep again?” In the first few months, they were waking up every 1-2 hours, but that didn’t mean they always woke up at the same time. I tried my best to keep our twins on the same schedule, but in the night when I was exhausted, if only one baby woke up, I wouldn’t wake up the other baby, just for the sake of a few extra minutes to snooze.
Everything seemed like a blur. We kept on track by using the BabyTime app to record every diaper change, every breastfeeding, and every formula feeding. That app was a godsend because when you’re exhausted, it is nearly impossible to keep track of time. Two hours would fly by, and then it was time for another feeding. In actuality, it is less than every two hours because once the baby starts eating, the clock starts counting down. So when our babies started feeding at midnight, and would feed for 20 minutes, then the next feeding would begin at 2 am, so only an hour and 40 minutes. But then, it’s not just a plop back into bed. They needed to be burped and they would also pee/poop and need a diaper change. That also would eat into our rest time. So by the time the routine was done, we had about 30 minutes to an hour to sleep before the next shift.
You read things like “How to sleep train your newborn” and wonder how you could ever train this baby to sleep through the night?? It is possible mama! But it does require some mindset changes. If you are in the thick of it now, or are soon expecting your little one, take heart - it does get easier with time.
Shift Your Expectations
My brother Matthew gave us some great advice—he suggested that we avoid the mindset of “I need to go back to sleep.” Putting pressure on ourselves for our babies to sleep through the night by three months is unrealistic and can only add stress. If you’re reading this, likely, your baby isn’t sleeping through the night by three months, and that’s okay! Our babies didn’t start sleeping through the night until they were 8½ months old. My mom even mentioned that I didn’t start sleeping through the night until I was 9 months old.
Sleep is important, but this is simply a brief season. In the moment, it feels like an eternity. Believe me, I know. However, your body has an incredible way of adapting to less sleep and has the capacity to function when sleep-deprived as a new parent. The first week that we were home from the hospital, my mom came over to help us for that first week at home. She would let me and my husband catch up on some sleep. After that, we would try to nap whenever the babies were sleeping. Mentally prepare yourself by telling yourself that you understand your baby will wake up every few hours to be fed and to have diaper changes, but you will get a chance to take a nap. Setting up your expectations will help you to smoothly transition into having a newborn in your home as a first-time parent.
Sleep Training is A Balancing Act
Don’t think that you either have to be in the cry-it-out camp, or in the co-sleeping camp. Often when hearing advice from well-meaning people (whether in your life or on the internet) it feels like the idea around your baby sleeping through the night is an all-or-nothing approach. I find this very unfair and unrealistic. Every baby is different, and not every baby is going to respond well to the cry-it-out method, and you may never even have to cosleep with your baby. What I don't like about the cry-it-out method is that it is not only hard on a newborn baby, but it is also hard on the parent.
During my pregnancy, I came across a video on YouTube called Pediatricians Debunk 16 Baby Myths. I have watched this video so many times because it has been so helpful in navigating what I should and shouldn’t do for our twin babies. One of the myths they go over is the myth “picking up a crying baby will spoil them” I love that in the video pediatrician Dr. Blair Hammond from Mount Sinai Hospital and Dr. Aliza Pressman developmental psychologist from the Mount Sinai Parenting Center both state that picking up a crying baby will not spoil them!
I remember one of our babies had a hard time falling asleep and needed to either be rocked to sleep or sleep in a co-sleeper to be near us. I worried that he would never be able to sleep in his own crib. But eventually, he got better and better at self-soothing and he was able to sleep in his crib.
In the early days and months, your sweet baby is in such a vulnerable state. They have been used to a cozy cocoon for 9 months right with their mama, so they just want to make sure mama is near. Keep snuggling your baby, reassure them that they are loved and safe and this will produce more and more security within them.
Avoid Rigid Routines
Is your routine for your baby manageable in the long term? Your mental well-being is crucial, especially when caring for a helpless infant. Avoid setting rigid rules that could jeopardize your sanity in the hope of getting your baby to sleep through the night sooner.
I purchased On Becoming Babywise, a book highly recommended to me by a mom of twins, but I found I couldn’t adhere to its rigid schedule for getting babies to sleep through the night by 8-12 weeks. The book did offer some valuable tips, though. However, If you thrive on schedules, this book is perfect for you. I, however, preferred a bit more flexibility, so I opted for a more relaxed approach to my schedule.
There were definitely nights when we were rocking one of our babies (the baby who fought sleep) endlessly. Then when we would stop, he would start crying again. When he was a few months old, I remember kneeling beside his crib rubbing his back to try to get him to fall asleep. I soon realized this was not sustainable every night. We had to get good at putting down our babies when they were at the drowsy but awake stage.
You Will Sleep Again!
Every baby is different - even twins. One of our babies would go down to sleep with ease, while the other baby would fight to go to sleep. It is amazing what a few weeks can do to a growing baby. Eventually, they will stop pooping in the middle of the night, so the amount of diaper changes in the middle of the night will decrease, and their nightly feedings will start to drop as well. Hang on mama!
Be gentle with yourself, remain calm, and know that your baby will soon start sleeping through the night. Don’t give yourself harsh deadlines, try to enjoy this new wild ride and take every moment you are awake to care for your little one as precious time you will one day look back on and cherish forever.
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