From Dating to Marriage with Coffee Meets BagelJump To Recipe
Hi ladies, this post is for you if you are single and want to find a “soul mate” as Uncle Rico from Napoleon Dynamite put it, read on!
I am going to discuss my experience with online dating and my view on marriage as a newlywed.
Online Dating and Dating Apps
My husband and I just passed our 2 year anniversary of being a couple on March 26th, and 5 months of being married!
B and I met on a dating app called Coffee Meets Bagel.
I liked CMB because it allowed me to filter down the results of guys I wanted to meet based on location, religion, age, height, education, and profession.
I had previously tried Christian Mingle, but I didn’t like that any guy could message me who was outside of my preferences. Christian Mingle also requires payment for 1, 3 or 6-month subscriptions.
It has been 2 years since I found my “everything bagel” 😉 so I am not sure how much CMB has changed since 2018.
Coffee Meets Bagel is free, with the option to upgrade to get some premium features.
I never paid to buy extra “coffee beans”, as you could earn beans for free on voting for people’s best pictures, following them on social media, or referring friends to sign up.
I liked CMB because of its algorithm where they curate smart matches based on the individual’s preferences.
Each day at noon, they would give me five “bagels” (which are their suggestions for me), and I could either pass or like. If I liked someone, they had 24 hours to like/pass on me.
If your bagel likes you back, you have 7 days to chat with them.
This is also nice because if you don’t hit it off with someone, you aren’t plagued with seeing them in your recent conversations after the 7 days.
I think it is a cordial way to move on to the next candidate, and they can’t reconnect with you. 🙂
If you were wanting to have more options than they suggested that are tailored to your preferences, you are able to unlock more Bagels by spending 250 beans.
There is also a Discover section where there are more men to browse through, but they most likely aren’t your cup of tea.
However, you can adjust your Discover filter. You can filter by age, height, distance, ethnicity, religion, and education.
I personally noticed a difference in the selection of quality men on CMB vs Christian Mingle. I liked that there was a much better selection of men on CMB.
When I met my husband on there, I was delighted to find he graduated from San Diego State University like me, and he worked in the Hospitality industry like me too!
Later I found out that one of my best friends from high school worked with him for years! Also, his sister was in the youth group that I volunteered at. I was floored! Positive affirmation!!
This was very reassuring as I had two people to vouch for him. They both said incredible things about him, which made our first date less nerve-wracking.
We instantly hit it off, and the biggest thing that drew me to him was his declaration of his faith in the Lord.
We both were exceedingly intentional about meeting the one we were going to marry, so we naturally dived into deep topics that typically come up after months of dating.
We both were glad that we discussed serious topics early, so that way we were 100% sure we were compatible and meant to be together. We brought up the topic of marriage right away, and both were in a life stage of wanting to get married.
Six months later, B proposed, then 13 months and 8 days from the date he proposed, we got married!
Now my advice to the single ladies out there, regardless where you meet a guy (school, work, mutual friend, dating site, etc) really take the time to get to know him. The good. The bad. The ugly.
It also goes both ways-its not a one-sided job interview, the guy is determining if you are his ideal mate too.
TIPS TO FINDING THE ONE YOU’RE GOING TO MARRY (SPEND A LIFETIME WITH!)
1. Keep your standards high, and don’t be willing to settle. It can be easy to ignore red flags because you really like someone. Ask yourself-can I live with this trait for the rest of my life? Do I truly understand I can’t change someone? Usually, red flags don’t change.
2. Try your best to be emotionally strong and know what you are looking for in a guy before you decided to start dating and getting your heart involved. For me, I was so over dating games, getting emotionally attached, or just meeting cute guys for fun. I came to a point where I was a stronger person spiritually and mentally and I was willing to be firm with my beliefs and what I was looking for in a man I wanted to marry. (This helped quickly rule out the guys I was not interested in on CMB).
3. Understand that you may not find your spouse in the time frame you are hoping-and that is okay. It is much better to be single than to be married to someone you would regret marrying in the long run. My dear friend Berlyn who was a bridesmaid in my wedding said: “waited time is not wasted time.”
4. Work on yourself in the interim. What kind of wife do YOU want to be? Do you have baggage that you need to work through? Do you want to learn a new skill? Do you want to overcome a fear? Your single years are glorious years to fine-tune the lovely lady you want to become or develop. And just because you’re married, doesn’t mean you are perfect either-always work on becoming your best self. 🙂
5.Remember that finding your “other half” is not going to complete you or make you better or happier. If you aren’t happy now, you aren’t going to be happy in marriage.
What I was looking for in a husband
I’m grateful to God for bringing my husband into my life. After feeling as though I would never find a husband, and going through seasons of doubt, or wondering if I would have to settle, God came through.
I desired a man who valued purity as I did. The Bible is clear on God’s standards when it comes to intimacy, and I wanted to please the Lord and wait until marriage. (1 Corinthians 6: 13&18, Hebrews 13:4, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 are some examples).
I also wanted a man who was kind and loving, someone who didn’t take life too seriously and could make me laugh. The Bible talks about a merry heart does good like a medicine (Proverbs 17:22). Laughter really is like a medicine, and it can be a huge help in difficult times.
I wanted a man who would be a leader, and follow God. I wanted a trustworthy man. My Pastor’s wife said she knew her husband was the one for her because he was so in tune with God and had a genuine desire to please the Lord, that she knew he would not do anything to harm her or hurt her heart.
His timing truly is perfect, although it may not be our timing, I am so grateful I trusted in God. I know in both of our lives, God had stretched us and molded us into the people we are today.
When you put your trust in God-He is faithful and will honor his children. Ephesians 3:20 was a promise that came true to me. “Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us,”
We aren’t perfect by far, but we are two individuals covered in the grace of God. Each day we thank the Lord for his blessings and mercy, and we strive to live in grace and forgiveness.
Going from single to married
I think all my years of being single, and going through life’s struggles has taught me to lean on the Lord, and has made me so much more appreciative of marriage. I believe God needed me to be single so I would rely on him, before relying on a guy.
For years, I’d hear people say marriage is tough work, and marriage is hard. However, as I see it-all beautiful things of value take hard work.
I don’t see work as being a negative word. I think of a beautiful garden that takes years of consistent watering, pruning, and care. Yes, you have to work in the garden, but that work is well worth the results.
My friend Vanessa (since we were 5!), was also in my wedding, and I was in her wedding in 2015. I remember her Pastor’s wife saying at her bridal shower that a strong relationship requires affection and communication.
Sounds easy! Well, it can be, but it can also be challenging at times. Communication can be the enemy if we don’t utilize it correctly. Think of friendships and family relationships where there was a miscommunication or no communication. The brain really starts to interpret things in the wrong way causing arguments to begin.
I remember in college, my Communication class I learned that it is impossible (or near impossible) to be angry with someone if you are touching them. The power of touch is amazing!
Next time you are feeling heated with a loved one, or perhaps they are heated with you, try putting your hand on their shoulder. It’s disarming, isn’t it? Now of course, use discretion and discernment. Don’t try and put an arm around someone when they’re blazing mad lol. I know if I am frustrated at B for something insignificant, the moment he hugs me, it’s as if my anger melts away lol!
Marriage is about putting in the daily effort. I know life gets tough. I know there are bad days and there are good days, but one thing is for certain-God is always the same.Simply put, I know if B and I continually seek God, keep Him at the forefront of our marriage, and are constantly work on our marriage, we will be just fine.
Thank you Coffee Meets Bagel for making an incredible dating app where I found the love of my life!