Waiting for Sex Until After Marriage

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I’ve never been one to be in the know when it comes to the latest celebrity “news” or gossip. Tabloids will usually have some outrageous or scandalous claim on the front of a magazine. They do a good job to hook the reader. I usually become curious when I am waiting in a lobby at the dentist’s office. Some kind of news of a celebrity break up or another crumbled marriage is a frequent headliner.

Purity? Marriage? What Does it Even Matter?

Hollywood and Marriage

After school, I’d watch The Oprah Winfrey Show. I remember one episode in 2007 where Halle Berry (age 41 at the time) had talked about her newest love Gabriel Aubry and that they were living together. She made a comment that she didn’t need a piece of paper to define their commitment to each other. Their relationship lasted for 5 years. Three years prior, she had come on the Oprah show and talked about her marriage to Eric Benét. Sadly, it ended because of infidelity. She briefly mentioned his sex addiction and mentioned this was her second deal with infidelity.

I never forgot Halle Berry’s statement. Marriage, just a piece of paper defined by the government. What a slap in the face to successful marriages, like my parents for example who have worked at their marriage and put in the time, love, and centered their relationship around Jesus Christ. As a high schooler seeing her interview made me sad. It still makes me sad when I hear people say “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove my commitment to my significant other.”

I can understand why she made the comment.  Halle has gone through three divorces and several break-ups throughout her life. That would definitely make someone against marriage.

Technically a “piece of paper” does not define marriage, however, it legitimizes it publicly before man and God. You could make the same statement about a driver’s license-you don’t need a piece of paper to prove you can drive, but you get one to substantiate your ability to keep the rules of the road. I feel sometimes people use the piece of paper analogy to discredit the importance of waiting for sex until after marriage.

What Did Jesus Say About Divorce?

God never intended divorce. In fact, God created marriage as a reflection of the union between us and Jesus Christ.

Now I know we don’t live in a perfect world. I’ve seen marriages fall apart within my friends, extended family, and people I grew up in the same church with.

I know there are legitimate reasons for divorce: infidelity, abuse, and desertion. I also know that Christian marriages have fallen apart for reasons that are not infidelity, abuse, and desertion.

Mark 10:2-12 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”  “What did Moses command you?” he replied.  They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”  “It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied.

“But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”

Matthew 5:31-32“It has been said, ‘Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.’  But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, makes her the victim of adultery, and anyone who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

Malachi 2:16 “The man who hates and divorces his wife,” says the LORD, the God of Israel, “does violence to the one he should protect,” says the LORD Almighty. So be on your guard, and do not be unfaithful.

1 Corinthians 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

What is the Significance Of Marriage?

Maybe you’re thinking-you’re still in the “honeymoon stage” what could you possibly know about marriage? And you’d be right. I don’t claim to be a marriage expert and I don’t know what situation you might be in. Although I do know that I waited 27 years to find my husband, and I have seen beautiful marriages around me, including my parents who have been married over 39 years. I know like anything of value in life, it takes work. The harder you work at marriage, the greater the benefits that will accrue.

Marriage should be the most fulfilling relationship this side of heaven. It’s not like a friendship or acquaintance where you can control how much or how little you see of one another. It’s not like a coworker where you complete a project together over a cup of coffee, and you may or may not work together again. Marriage is a beautiful partnership, where you see each other unedited, raw, real, and love each other regardless. Marriage is a daily commitment to your spouse.

I’ll go to bed at night, and look over at my spouse and thank the Lord for him. The love of my life  made an everlasting commitment to me. When he said “I do” to me, he said yes to supporting me, caring for me, listening to me, forgiving me, loving me, protecting me, being patient with me, and even putting up with me when I am not the nicest.

Is Purity Important Anymore?

We live in a culture where waiting to have sex until after marriage is few and far between. Sadly, sexual immorality has become so ingrained into society, that even Christians partake in immorality.

I can think of four different people (who weren’t Christian) who when they found out that B and I were waiting for sex until after marriage, they all had similar reactions. “That is a beautiful thing.” “If I could do things over, I would have waited until marriage.” “That is rare but I respect that”. “You guys are going to have fun”.

Waiting to have sex with your partner until marriage is a difficult journey with a precious reward. Reaching the end of that journey with sexual purity until marriage yields a divine reward. A blessing of obedience and faithfulness to not only your spouse, but to the Lord.

Staying True to Our Commitment to Sexual Purity

A few weeks before our wedding, I had met up with an old coworker from years ago. Let’s call her Sally-Sue. Sally-Sue found out we weren’t living together although we had bought a home together 3 months before we got married.  She strongly encouraged me that I need to experience sex outside of marriage.

She literally said it’s like test-driving a car before buying one. As if my future spouse is something I can trade-in if I don’t like it anymore. I respectfully listened to her, and just left it at that. I knew she had been speaking from hurt. She had recently discovered that her husband had cheated on her, and was trying to get back into dating, where she was growing attached to an international man who had wooed her when he met her on vacation but would continually cancel trips to go see her in the U.S. I believe she had lost hope in marriage, and the importance of intimacy in marriage.

It is only by the grace of God that my husband and I were able to keep our purity. I was 27 and he was 30 when we got married. This is not to say we did not have mistakes before we met each other. I remember sitting under preaching where the preacher said that no one is completely pure. That was so encouraging/relieving to hear because although I was still a virgin, I had put myself into some compromising situations that I still regret to this day. I know how hard it is to fight temptations and natural human desires. I can only imagine how much harder it is for men to do the same, as they are wired differently than women. There were several moments where I prayed, “Oh Lord when will I finally be able to have sex?” or “Lord help me keep my virginity.”

Waiting for Sex Until After Marriage

1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Somewhere deep down, I knew that I would not want to face even more regret when I got married one day.

I know it is hard. Especially when you meet the one and you are so excited to partake in one of the most precious experiences in life. Remember, the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Purity is 100% worth it. If you don't take my word for it, look at what WebMD says about the benefits of waiting for sex.

What Does the Bible Say About Keeping Your Purity?

1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 3 It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; 4 that each of you should learn to control your own bodycin a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the pagans, who do not know God;

Hebrews 13:4 4 Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral.

Ephesians 5:5 For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 Or do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

What if I Am Not Pure?

Jesus died to take away our sins. Sexual immorality is one of many sins we as humans can commit. The important thing to know is stated in 1 John 1:9 (ESV).  “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” After asking for forgiveness from God, we then need to repent (aka turn from our sin). 1 John 2:3–4 says, “And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments.  Whoever says “I know him” but does not keep his commandments is a liar, and the truth is not in him,” (ESV).

I think it all boils down to choice. Do you want to remain in sin? Or do you want to live according to how Jesus would have us live? In my own life, I have witnessed the destruction of sin. No sin is pretty. No sin makes me feel good. In fact, when I choose to sin, I feel more drained. It is only a matter of time when I feel the burden of regret and shame. The thing is with sin, you have to want to change.  If you aren’t willing to change, you are going to continue to do the same things over and over again. Call on the name of Jesus to work in your life and help you overcome your sin.

Remember, no one is perfect, and no one is righteous. Romans 3:10 says, “As it is written, There is none righteous, no, not one:” (KJV). Everything we do in life either breathes life into us or death into us. Someone once told me that the most miserable Christians are the ones who know to do right but do not do it.

The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex

In closing, I found this book on Amazon, The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire. Sheila uses real women’s experiences, and has a lot of case studies and statistics. Read it before marriage and you will be glad you did. I am glad I did-especially on our honeymoon. This is an overall great book about sex and its design for marriage.

In my honest opinion, it was a good book to read as I had a lot of questions about sex. I loved that she went into the spiritual, emotional and physical aspects to sex. Definitely worth a read. 


My hope is that this article was helpful to you. Keeping yourself pure is a wonderful thing, and I know you won't regret it.

Red panties and Book on Great Sex

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